I have been 31 for a few days. I drank a Dr. Pepper before nodding off. I got a few hours of winks when I heard something outside and now I'm wide awake. Not sure if it was the caffeine or the alarming way I woke up or what, but I found myself wanting to write so here I am. Once upon a time, I thought 31 was "old." Guess what, I don't feel old. What was I expecting? Wrinkles? Check. Weight gain? Sure. The Mom haircut? Yep. A minivan? Probably. What is our culture's problem with aging, anyway? In honor of my birth, I composed a list of 31 random musings of a grown-up. I came up with this on the fly as I was thinking of how much I've changed over the years. I'm probably leaving out some key points, but oh well... I'll just blame my forgetfulness on old age. In no particular order:
1. "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." There's definitely something to that. Thanks, Dad.
2. That body I had in my twenties... the one that was too big here and too small there and always awkward in a bathing suit? Well, I am NOSTALGIC for that body now.
3. If someone annoys or offends me, I no longer have to make them aware of the fact so I can sleep at night.
4. Honestly, I amazed how far technology has gone in my lifetime.
5. I respect myself enough to value my resources. Time. Money. Energy. These are precious gifts.
6. Lice. That $#!% happens even to the most OCD of clean freaks.
7. The dollar amount on night creams and swimming suits does not, in any way, indicate what the product will do for me. The dollar amount on sheets and tires usually does indicate what the product will do for me.
8. I will never be too old for dancing or for Disney.
9. I no longer appreciate a good tragedy. I used to get lost in stories like "Hamlet" and "A River Runs Through It" and "Farewell to Arms" and (brace yourself) "The Ilead." I loved to analyze these stories, searching for parallels and falling in love with the Tragic Hero. Now these stories just make me sad or worse... mad.
10. Life is too short to worry about things I can't control, like the past or what people think of me or even my own children to some extent. I find peace when I am in control of myself - my attitude, my work ethic, my habits, etc.
11. I am not afraid of red lipstick.
12. I know that we are what we DO. The things we say and think matter, but they don't amount to anything unless we do.
13. Sometimes showing up is the best I can do. And that's okay.
14. Problems. They usually sneak up on us, and we'll need a good night's rest. Oh, and enough with all the snarky "that's just a first world problem" nonsense I believed in my post-adolescent-idealistic phase. First world problems can still be freaking huge problems. And to get through them we're gonna need a good night's rest.
15. Speaking of problems, quick sand has never once been a problem for me and I don't think it ever will be. As a child I often worried about this.
16. I weep all the time: A child's cry. A baby's smile. A good movie. A great song. An honest book.
17. Speeding. It just isn't worth it.
18. If I have made my point it's okay to stop talking. Repeating myself doesn't make me more correct.
19. With that in mind, there are far worse things than an awkward silence.
20. If I don't make an effort to simplify, I will inevitably complicate.
21. Biggest LIE we tell children: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Words, both said and should-have-said-and-never-heard, can hurt. A lot. For years and years and years.
22. Super-Man syndrome: The person who is always willing to help or give but never willing to be helped or take. A person with this syndrome loves to feel like a hero and believes s/he is being a friend, but isn't really. The problem is, most people don't actually need a hero unless they are playing a game of chicken on a couple of tractors and it involves Kevin Bacon. Most people just want to be accepted, not rescued. (Obviously I am not qualified to coin any kind of syndrome. I made it up).
23. I'm embarrassed to admit I was flattered in my younger years if someone asked me for advice. Nowadays, I panic. I feel the need to apologize profusely for giving the false impression that I have any idea what I'm doing on anything.
24. Getting a tan isn't fun anymore. Scars that were wallflowers take center stage. And my face gets all blotchy (I swear I didn't look like I had a mustache yesterday).
25. Camping. I have been trying to talk myself into loving this for YEARS because I seem to remember enjoying it as a child. I don't love it. AT ALL. I love you, Mother Earth, and enjoy being in the outdoors... I just really prefer to end my day eating food at a table without bugs and taking a shower behind a door and sleeping in a bed under a roof that doesn't rustle with the wind.
26. Miracles happen. Revelation happens. Expect it.
27. I still, for the life of me, do not understand financial lingo. When we went through the mortgage process I felt my brain get fuzzy, but when I looked over at Jared he was very alert and asking questions that led me to believe he had heard these words before. Can't they put this kind of stuff into some kind of poem? I get poems.
28. ENJOYMENT. The best weapon we have - against any kind of adversary - is to find some enjoyment just for the pure sake of enjoyment in each and every day.
29. "Where The Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak taught me everything I know about boys.
30. Sometimes I lose my dang mind and do/say the stupidest things. I think this happens mostly because a. I think out loud waaay too often, but the thought is often incomplete. b. I am easily distracted. and c. I doubt myself occasionally, which usually leads to poor judgement. On the bright side, I totally get it when I ask one of my kids, "What were you thinking?!" and they reply with "I don't know!"
31. I am unspeakably grateful for every single person in my life, but I am lousy at expressing it. I hope I am way better at this by the next time I make a list of the ways I've grown up.
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